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How Inner Happiness Leads To Success

Mary Lynn Ziemer is a Master of Advanced Life Concepts, a Certified Life and Business Coach, Author and Speaker who teaches her clients how to create the life of their dreams by using the power of their minds.  Mary Lynn’s dynamic and authentic coaching style creates trust, motivates, and moves people toward positive change with tangible results. She assists her clients in finding their deep inner happiness, helping them define and achieve goals as they consistently live a more joyful life.
 
Episode Summary
 
  • The foundation of all success is uncovering your inner happiness
  • The importance of taken care of yourself first
  • A simple exercise to increase your self-love 
  • Science is confirming the power of our brain in shaping our reality 
 
Quotes 
 
“We literally create the reality that we live in”
 
Resources 
 
Guest Information 
 

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Chris Ippolito 

Hi, Mary Lynn.

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

 Hey there, Chris. How you doing today?

Chris Ippolito 

Good. How are you? Oh, hang on. Let me restart that real quick. I’ve got the wrong view. There we go. Okay. All right. Hi, Marilyn.

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

Hey, Chris, how are you today?

Chris Ippolito 

I’m doing great. How are you?

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

Good. I’m doing magical

Chris Ippolito 

awesome.So welcome to the get coached podcast. So what I was hoping to talk to you about because we touched on this briefly in our intro call is the importance of finding a person’s inner happiness. Enjoy and using That as the foundation to really kind of build upon and get success elsewhere. Do you mind? First I guess the first question I would want to ask because a lot of people may be curious as far as because it is, I would say subjective or objective is, what’s your definition of what inner happiness and joy looks like? Not that would be for everybody. But like, how do you define it?

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

Sure, um, when I think of inner joy and happiness, I think of it as being our most authentic self. It’s like, the path that we’re on striving towards our full potential, whatever that looks like. And we’re all different. So the path may be different for everyone. The things that we choose may be different and that’s what in my mind makes the world a wonderful place is that diversity that we’re all difference. So there are no two people, perhaps that joy and happiness actually look the same for it’s a really unique experience. But there are many things in common is of course as to how you get there, if that makes sense.

Chris Ippolito 

Yeah, for sure. So why don’t we explore that a little bit? What are some of the common steps or commonalities in that journey for somebody to find that inner happiness and joy?

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

Well, personally, I think the very first thing that we can all do to find our own way, let’s toward inner joy and happiness, is to get ourselves connected with that part of us. That is intangible, you know, some and there are many different names for it. And the name to me, honestly, personally, isn’t as important as understanding that we are kind of a mind body,  spirit being or a mind body intuitive being or some people would say, mind body energetic being

Chris Ippolito 

right, you’re talking more the esoteric side.

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

Yes, yeah. And it’s kind of the essence of who we really are. It’s where all I believe our actual power base comes from. And that part of us only wants us to live in bliss and joy. I am absolutely convinced after my own personal journey, especially over the past, I’d say 11 or 12 years, that part of us is the only other part of us besides sort of our conscious mind and how we think about things that really can help us with that path. And so that requires a comb mindset. It really, because it’s sort of like if I were to do a triangle kind of thing I say, Our mind is where our body and that other part of us our spiritual part into the part come together. And when our mind is calm, we can find our way so much more easily. We’re in the calmness we have clarity and the calmness we are incredibly creative beings.and it really is this path toward happiness is about the authentic part of us is being the most creative person that we can be. And again, that’s different for each and every one of us. We are all creative. Sometimes we get hung up on that word creative as being artsy. I either have to be musical or have to be a writer. No, no. Creative is simply about creating every day that fills you up with joy  that really allows you to live what I call a magical life and it’s so absolutely possible for everybody. The journey is different, but it’s absolutely possible.

Chris Ippolito 

Yeah. And so when we spoke about this last time, we went kind of both sides of it. So you’ve touched a little bit on the a little bit more on the esoteric, the the tangible side. and we both connected very well on this. But you also mentioned, like there’s concrete, pretty scientific evidence that happiness leads to better results in life. Do you mind sharing a little bit more about that,

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

to me, it’s so awesome in the past 10 years since again, since I’ve been doing that this work. And after a couple of years of, you know, really getting certified and all those kinds of things. I started reading even more and more and more, and there’s so much scientific evidence out there, that when our brain is in a state of happiness, we actually have access to creating success in every area of our life. Again, whatever area of life it is that you want more happiness in, you can have it and the past way there is through the brain, it’s by having a happier brain. You know, having your neural pathways sort of changed if I can say it that way, because there are, again, science would say we have a lot of limiting beliefs that get in the way of us being happy. And so it is about the power of the brain being in a state of happiness that leads us then to success. It’s not the other way around. I think you and I talked a little bit about this before about how people commonly think about success. You know, they think about accomplishments and you know, everything I have to have in my life, that will make me happy the stuff outside of me. And what science really proves is it works exactly the opposite, that when I’m happy from the inside out, I can have all those things so much more easily. Everything tends to fall in In the place, you live much more in the flow. And it always comes back to the brain and ultimately the brain being calmer. So, again, you’re right, you can say it on from either aspect. You know, you can go to the science, you can go to the psychology, you can go to the spiritual aspects of things. But the truth is, we’re all saying the same thing.

Chris Ippolito 

Yeah, I think, to me that was one of the biggest lessons I learned as I started expanding my reading and just conversations and really opening up my mind was that you started hearing the same thing from very different sources. And a lot of it just had to do with, like you said, calming the mind finding, for lack of better terms, almost like inner peace, inner tranquility, and then all of a sudden, things just like open up, and it was kind of like okay, well, there’s gotta be something to this if Eastern philosophy and Western philosophy are saying it and various religions are saying, and then science is now starting support it, there’s gotta be something to it.

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

So really true,

Chris Ippolito 

what are, I guess? What would be some of the big hang ups that people have? When  you start sharing this with them this principle, this foundation? What are some of the more common hang ups that they have on that?

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

You know, when I think of a hang up, I’d say they’re, of course, very individual. And so another way to turn those are limiting beliefs that come, of course, from all of our experiences. And probably the biggest one, I believe that gets in this way is the view that I have to take care of everybody else’s needs. And I’m saying really specifically because ultimately, that is what it comes down to. That I kind of have to take care of other people, that their needs are important and we said a lot of ways But one of the ways we say it is we have to give of ourselves. And I think that term give of ourselves can really get misconstrued. Meaning that I always have to do for others what they want. And what we end up doing is sacrificing ourselves. And the truth is, if I sacrifice myself, I’m never really taking care of myself. And if I don’t take care of myself, that’s an aspect of authentic happiness and self love. I have to take care of me before I can really truly in the greatest sense, possible, take care of somebody else. And so we, and I think many of us have been taught that as a child, you know, to give to others, but we aren’t kind of, we aren’t told what’s sort of a healthy way of viewing that and sort of a healthy boundary. Perhaps you might say So really loving yourself is what makes other people happy because then I show up as my, the greatest version of who I am when I’m truly happy and it has nothing to do with being selfish, or arrogant or conceited, or any of those kinds of words, love has nothing to do with that, that you can’t really be happy if you’re doing that either. You want to give to others, but the rule of thumb is I have to give to me first take care of me. Yeah. And then I can take care of others in a way that we never understood as possible.

Chris Ippolito 

Yeah, it’s so true. And and something I always add to that, because I’ve heard we hear that quite regularly. And a lesson I learned from one of the books I’ve read is that you can’t give what you don’t have. So you have to build it and almost have the build up an abundance of it so that you can start giving and that will lead to very positive results because you’re helping others And giving to others, but then you just that giving nature tends to reciprocate and come back to almost like tenfold. But you got to start with, you know, here first you got to start with yourself

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

true, I have a term for that I call that filling your love tank. It’s the sort of the basis, you know, we’ve heard that term before. But really it is true. It is about, like you’re always filling it, it’s about accumulating, you keep taking care of yourself, and you only have three real tools to do that. Those are your thoughts, words and actions. And every moment of our day, we’re using those tools, you know, we’re making those decisions. Either I’m filling my love tank and I’m moving down a path that’s making me happier with more joy or I’m going the other way. And you know, so it’s filling it up and yes, we may deplete it sometimes, but it is this a cumulative effect. As we know again, we talk about that in business also in things and actions that we take Little things, you know, one after the other have a very large, cumulative effect for ourselves.

Chris Ippolito 

Yeah, it’s so true at what would be the advice you would give to somebody who is kind of understanding this all in concept. But maybe just because of some negative experiences they’ve gone. They’ve had in life that their tank has a pretty small capacity. So they’re finding it difficult to be able to love themselves enough such that they can then give love to others. So how would somebody go about trying to increase the capacity because that could be a bit of a challenge if you are inexperienced in it, or like I said, you’ve just had negative experiences in life. Your journeys just been really tough. What’s what would be some advice that you would share with them as far as like how to grow that capacity?

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

Sure. I think that’s how Really great question, Chris. Because  if you’re not feeling it now, there’s a reason why you may have been taught that it’s bad to love yourself.

Chris Ippolito 

 Yeah,

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

it’s not uncommon. Sometimes we hear that term, don’t love yourself. That’s terrible. Your job is to go love everybody else. And so you, you have an aversion almost to hearing it, right. So there are some really good things you can do. And one of I have this book that I refer to, I tell every one of my clients to read it early on when I’m working with them, and I’m happy to share it and you may have heard of it, but if not, it’s fabulous. It’s called Love yourself, like your life depends on it. Have you ever heard this?

Chris Ippolito 

I think so. The author is that not the brother of navall, rava Khan, I don’t know the thing I think so involves a pretty he’s a big name as far as like modern day philosophers, and I think I’ve heard of that.

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

I really don’t know this, but I have to tell you, this is this Love yourself like your life depends on it Kemal is his name is one of the most simple and profound books you can read. Literally, it will take you no more than 30 minutes to read the book. There’s a lot of space in between. You can download it on Amazon, you can get it on Apple audio, I think and it’ll, you know, again, it’s 30 minutes of listening maybe. And it’s profound. It talks about, I think, to go back to your question. People who don’t love themselves, sometimes don’t understand why it’s so critical. And this book does an excellent job of explaining why it’s so critical, sort of the basic things on how you have success in relationships and how you find success in your business life. And so it makes it a little bit more practical for them to read, yet it’s very inspiring and It also gives a lot of great techniques in there. One of my favorites that I give my clients, which I is really not in here, it’s just something that I have learned over the years is the easiest way to start is by putting your hand on your heart. And saying, I love myself and looking at the mirror. And looking in your own eyes are saying, I love you, Chris, I love you, Mary Lynn, whatever it is, and doing it over and over and over and over, you know how they say our eyes are the pathway to our soul. That’s where it all begins. I mean, words are really, really powerful. And the more of this you do, what again, you’re telling your brain something new. Oh, and so this is what happens with the brain. The brain has this part of it that filters information, and whatever it hears repetitively, it takes as a request basically to go out and present opportunities. I’ll say that to you very quite in front of your eyes so that you can begin to see, oh, wow, something is changing in my life here something that is happening differently, and you’re able to grab on to the opportunity and actually take what I would call an inspired action to make it happen. So he does an excellent job with explaining his very own story, which was very poignant, and shows how he got out of a terrible depression in his life. Somebody who was actually very successful, and who did a pretty big plummeting, you know, in within his life, we all have those moments that are not so easy. So that’s the first thing the other thing is put your hand on your heart and just start talking to yourself and telling yourself and amazingly you begin to feel better. Why is that? Because Science proves that around my heart or The 40,000 most powerful cells in my body. Most people think our most powerful cells are in our brain. They aren’t. And my heart is connected to the brain. So every time I put my hand on my heart, I activate those 40,000 most powerful cells. And what I’m doing by activating them is I am sending oxytocin to my brain. And oxytocin is a love hormone that has what it does. It’s a happy hormone, and it makes you feel better, literally. And that one act is called loving yourself. Because if our if what I’m saying to you is accurate, and I believe it is that our path toward whatever it is we truly want in our heart is happiness and joy. This is the first step.

Chris Ippolito 

Hmm. I like that. I like that a lot. And I think I had mentioned that at the end of every episode. I want an actionable piece of advice that the audience can Take and I think we came across I think it happens. So, just to recap, I, it’s the bulk of what was the title of the book again called

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

Love yourself, like your life depends on it. Yeah, I come out KAMAL, Ravi Kant, RA VI  KANT. And something that I just found out from a client that I talked to this past week that I asked to go and get it. And he came back and said, Oh, my gosh, the book is different. And I said, What do you mean? And he held it up on his just like we’re talking we were talking on virtually. And he said, it’s a brand new book that came out, he expanded on it, get the small version, or you can get one that is 250 pages, where he literally goes through and tells you more specifically, some of I understand his tools and whatnot. So I haven’t had the chance to read that yet so Yeah,

Chris Ippolito 

That’s awesome. And I’ll Make sure to include that in the show notes and the description of the video. So get the book, read the book. And as a daily practice, maybe even just once, stand in front of the mirror, put your hand on over your heart and say, I love while in this case would be I love Chris, I love me. And I like that. I think that’s a good habit for somebody to develop and when they stick with it and expand upon it. I think it sounds like they’re going to start getting some positive results.  that’s awesome.

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

Yeah, it may even feel a little false in the beginning. Think about it. If we’re in a really low place. There are lots of reasons why we think perhaps we shouldn’t love ourselves or can’t love ourselves. So it is about the need to be persistent with it and not worry about Wow, I’m not really feeling anything. Yet, it really is just keep doing it.

Chris Ippolito 

Right.

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

The more you do it, the better you will feel like anything is just a little practice and a little bit, but you really are activating those cells. So it will happen.

Chris Ippolito 

Yeah. When you mentioned that made me think of like a superhero thing where they like put their hand on their chests and that like activates their superpower. Yeah So in a sense, like, that’s kind of us, individually activating our superpower of happiness for all of the nerds out there. That really

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

great analogy.

Chris Ippolito 

That’s the way I looked at it cuz I grew up with the superhero stuff. That’s awesome. So Marilyn, was there any questions or anything else that you wanted to discuss that I didn’t bring up?

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

You know, there is one thing that you and I, I think we alluded to it somewhere along the line, and I think it This thing about if you wanted to tell people something that they actually might think is a little bit crazy. Do you remember that?

Chris Ippolito 

Yes The question being, what’s something that you believe in that others would think is crazy?

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

Yes

Chris Ippolito 

yeah

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

So there are two things. And one of them has come out in a scientific book neuroscience proves and I absolutely have always felt this and known this to be the truth. But again, science is now proving it. So it is this fact that we literally and I can’t say enough this word. We literally create the reality that we live in. And a lot of people hear that and they say, Oh, yeah, I’m in charge. You know, it’s my world. But I want you to know, we literally created the way the brain works. It’s all about our emotions. So there is another fabulous book out there around this topic. Because people often have a hard time understanding Wait, you’re telling me, I construct my reality? And I’m saying yes, we all construct our individual realities. And there’s a fabulous book that was written just a couple of years ago. So it’s new by a neuroscientist named Lisa Feldman Barrett. And it’s called, How emotions are made The Secret Life of the brain. And essentially, what she’s saying is that how you feel, creates your world. So again, it brings you back to joy and happiness, the more joy and happiness I feel, the more I am going to create whatever it is that I’m focusing my mind on around me, it’s going to be created in my reality. So I’m saying , you literally you can begin to create things. There’s also another fun document. I say fun because somebody found it on the internet. They say it’s a CIA classified document and it sure looks like it. And it says that the CIA is confirming that our worlds are like virtual realities, that we are simply we have this amazing thing called our imagination, again, which is part of this intangible side of us, and that we are literally projecting on to this, what Einstein would call the unified field of energy, that we are projecting our imagination onto it and creating our reality. And that sounds way out there but you know, you as a super power kind of interesting guy. and I get all of that, that there’s a lot more information out there then we understand that hasn’t hit mainstream yet. Let me just put it that way that says we’re really powerful. And if we just start with what we know for sure, to be our inner truth of joy and happiness, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain,

Chris Ippolito 

 right?

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

And getting to that place where you can create even more magic and miracles in your life. Because that’s what I think we all strive for. Ultimately,

Chris Ippolito 

that’s very true. And it’s interesting because that, that theme as far as what you’re mentioned, as far as like us creating our own world. it’s touched on in a very kind of, woo woo type of sense in a lot of books from years and years ago, but it’s very interesting to see now the neuroscience behind it and I’m starting to break down that barrier of like, it, there may be some truth to this and now they’re like, there actually is some truth to this. Keep proving that more and more. Yeah, it’s super interesting

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

 where they’re writing it in books and telling the brain is that powerful?

Chris Ippolito 

Yeah I’ve got two books to add to my to read list. That’s great. Well, this was a fantastic conversation, Maryland. I really appreciate it. So if the audience wants to reach out and learn a little bit more about you, or connect, where’s some of the better places for them to find you?

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

Well, I have a lovely website that I have to give kudos to my website manager for helping me create. It’s called Living a joyful life now.com. And you can find either all about me on that website and met much of the kinds of content that I cover in my coaching programs.  there are some videos, there’s audio, there’s information about me whatever you want, it’s there. And also if you want to sign up for a weekly blog that I do that helps you sort of, you know, find some a place of peace and calm on a weekly basis. Joy fun. I’m all about love, gratitude and fun. You can sign up on my website right on the homepage is called little gems of wisdom and fun. And so I would love it reach out to me, I’d be happy that you do that. Again, it’s easiest to do it right through my website through living a joyful life now calm.

Chris Ippolito 

Awesome. I’ll make sure to include all those links in the show notes as well.

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

Perfect

Chris Ippolito 

Well, it was a pleasure and definitely looking forward to reading those two books

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

you will love em

Chris Ippolito 

and some continued conversations.

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

Oh, yes,I love it. And this hour absolutely flew by. I love it. Thank you.

Chris Ippolito 

You’re welcome. And thanks Mary Lynn

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

Also for your questions and comments. Chris. Thanks so much for the opportunity.

Chris Ippolito 

You’re welcome. Take care.

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

You too.

Chris Ippolito 

Bye

Mary Lynn Ziemer 

bye.

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